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To rebound or not to rebound?

Written by: T.O

Urban dictionary defines the act of rebounding as “getting into a relationship with/hooking up with someone you generally do not care about much simply because you have recently broken up with someone and you are in the process of getting over them and want to have someone to fill the gap until your next meaningful relationship”.

Well, what does that look like? Being on the rebound is a coping mechanism designed to combat the change of routine, the lonely nights and the new missing component from your life.

A rebound does not have to be one person but can be a string of meaningless physical, mental, and emotional interactions – which seems to be the rebound of choice for myself and those around me.

You break up with your partner and all your friends are saying, “forget them, plenty of fish in sea”. Truth is, I liked that fish, but let us go fishing. But why get into a rebound relationship or situationship?

Human beings are creatures of habits who seldom leave their comfort zone. If you are used to having someone around then the easiest course of action is find someone else who can play all or parts of that role.

The fundamental problem with this is they are not built to last. Individuals fresh out of a relationship are vulnerable, illogical and hurting.

“Hurt people, hurt people”.

Someone newly single does not, in most cases, have the capacity to process or restrict the raw emotions they are experiencing, so these emotions fill to the brim and spill over.

The excess often finds the nearest person who will listen or shares a common interest and a new rebound relationship is born, at the expense of the rebounder and the reboundee.

The reboundee may or may not be aware of their status, but that does not stop them from experiencing positive romantic feelings or an emotional connection toward the rebounder.

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Credit: mend

Nothing could be more natural than connecting with someone who is available and hurting. We are all empathetic but once again for the people in the back, “hurt people, hurt people” and this is destined to end badly. Not every instance of a rebound ends in chaos and tears but there is almost no chance the reboundee escapes unscathed, even at the point when they find out they are just there to fill space.

Rebounds serve as a means to get over your ex but they may also hurt a new person in the process, bring out the worst in you or have you presenting yourself in a way, or in an unintended manner.

There are better alternatives to rebounds, namely friends, family, and exercise. The more time you spend with loved ones, the more you are reminded that life goes on. There is more to life than what your relationship was, no matter how strongly you felt about your part.

Random consensual sexual encounters are also fun but take everything in moderation. I personally vouch for working out as one of the best forms of therapy. ‘Me versus me’, whilst focusing on nothing else, seeing what I am truly physically and mentally capable of and feeling the satisfaction of working myself to near exhaustion.

People won’t stop rebounding because we all struggle with changes to our lives, as well as dealing with emotions effectively and efficiently. We just all need to be aware that when experiencing emotional pain, people do not think rationally or make rational decisions, which may in turn have adverse effects on others. Think before diving back into the sea.

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