Sex: The Epiphany

12 mins read

The purpose of university is to further our learning, and for many students, that includes learning of the sexual kind.

According to a survey done by Durex in 2012, the average age men in the UK lose their virginity is 18. It’s time we were more informed!

However, talking about sex can be extremely awkward for everyone involved. Increasingly it is becoming less taboo, with TV shows like Sex Education popping up on Netflix.

But if you’re still not at that point where you feel like you can be open about it, thanks to the wonders of the internet, here’s some videos to broaden your horizons. 

The videos listed in this article cover a range of topics from virginity to kinks, masturbation and communication.

Youtubers talk sex

Youtuber, Ashley (username: bestdressed) covers a range of topics including porn for women, period sex and blowjobs. Perfectly summing up the taboo of masturbation and women enjoying sex, Ashley takes a very open and honest approach when discussing her experiences. She will introduce new phrases to your repertoire such as “light BDSM is the new Vanilla” and “sexual debut.”

Touching yourself isn’t “dirty.” Look at it more like self-exploration. It can be therapeutic and fun. It’s time to take a page out of Hailee Steinfield’s book and “know how to satisfy” yourself.

Examining every aspect of sex possible, Hannah Witton is a British youtuber whose name has become synonymous in the Youtube community as the “sex guru.” As she does talk about a number of issues, it’s hard to pinpoint the best examples, however here are some stand outs.

Witton hosts a roundtable discussion on the topic of sex in relation to disabilities. The guests have varying disabilities which they discuss freely. Nima has paraparesis, Charlie and Emily both have Spastic Diplegia Cerebal Palsy, Jessica has Hereditary Neuropathy with Liability Pressure Palsy- one of her symptoms being deafness and Hannah herself, wears a stoma bag due to her Ulcerative Colitis. Altogether, the guests drive forward an interesting discussion, that most people may never have to consider.

In this video, Witton defines sex positivity and why she believes any shame around the topic should be banished. She talks about the upcoming curriculum introductions that will be made to schools when it comes to sex education. 

By having a dominatrix guess people’s kinks based on a few moments of interaction, we learn just how varied kinks can be and how normal they are!

If you have kinks, discuss them with your partner. They don’t have to be something that you are ashamed of. If you’re comfortable with someone, it’s worth talking about what turns you on and what just doesn’t work for you. If that something happens to be a bit out of the usual person’s comfort zone, remember that communication is your best friend. Trust me; everyone will get a lot more out of the experience if both of you are just open and honest. 

In this amusing video, couples are separated and given sex toys. From there, they asked intimate questions about their sex lives. Couples find out how in tune they are when it comes to what props they want to use in the bedroom.

“We’ve never talked about it before,” is a phrase that perfectly highlights the point that the video makes by interviewing the couples separately before bringing them together. BONUS: all the couples walk away with a sex toy!

Another incredibly intimate video from the channel Cut, this video sees couples confronting each other about their sex lives. It will make you question your relationship with your partner! 

Communication is key!

TED talks Sex

Do you want a more formal source of information? There are so many TED talks surrounding sex as whole that are worth a look at! 

Sexologist Roger Libby starts his TED talk by blaming his parents for his career choice, saying “they told me to go into something that I had a passion for, and that I was good at.” Libby talks about how “the institutions of society” affect the way that we feel about sex, arguing how they are “archaic,” and highlighting how important discussing sex is. 

He brings up controversial issues like sex education that isn’t objective and comprehensive, as well as rigid religious practices. He introduces profound statistics on sexual attitudes based on gender. “Shame. What good does that do us?” 

Laurie Betito deliberates over how women are meant to enjoy sex in a relationship, if they are unable to enjoy it out with a relationship without facing the burden of shame. She states that “we celebrate male gratification, but we shame women for the same.” She talks about how for a lot of women, sex becomes a “chore” that leaves women questioning themselves and their relationship.

Masturbation is seen as a taboo, why? Getting to know how your body feels when exposed to certain stimuli and certain movements is essential to self-confidence and how enjoyable sex is for you. In her TED talk, Laurie Betito states that “75% of us women, will not, cannot orgasm through intercourse alone.” It’s so important for women to realise that sex is so much more than intercourse. Clitoral stimulation is essential in many cases for orgasms in women. 

Co-founder and CEO of Leika, Billie Quinlan opens her talk with a bold exclamation of “Women have penis envy and it’s driving them to hysteria!” She quickly dispels myths about female masturbation and urges her audience to close “the pleasure gap.” Her witty take of sexual experiences is both informative and empowering. She importantly says, “if it doesn’t feel good for you, you are well within your rights to say STOP.” 

She talks about the intricate differences between the way sex is described compared to women and men. With women more commonly assigning success to sex depending on the enjoyment of their partner and the absence of pain. “When did we set our bars so low, that when something doesn’t hurt, we consider ourselves satisfied?”

Tiffany Kagure Mugo and Siphumeze Khundayi blatantly state how quantity does not necessarily translate into quality. Scorning the idea that “the nipples deserves the same treatment that a DJ gives his deck,” this duo perfectly calls out the absurd nature of aspects of sex culture, in a comedic and relatable way. 

Siphumeze makes a good point when she says, “we refuse to engage with sex properly.” After all, how are we meant to enjoy sex, if we can’t talk about it? They talk about how African history has a lot to teach us in the modern day- specifically highlighting the “Osun force.” 

This talk will make you belly laugh, making you readdress your relationship with the topic of sex by pointing out the incredulous associations we have as a society. As Tiffany says, “culture and society have failed us in our quest for coitus.”

BBC talks sex

BBC’s series, “Sex on the Edge”, provides an insight to a number of controversial kinks. These episodes focus on a range of contentious topics of chastity, auto erotic asphyxiation and race. Dr Finn Mackay serves as the moralistic judge in the series, whilst Nichi Hodgson, a former dominatrix turned sex educator and journalist, discusses the how common place many of these fetishes are.

One of the most divisive episodes in this series is specifically linked to age. The hidden identity of the people featured in the video, allows them to talk openly about a kink that would have many people raising their eyebrows, as well as featuring the opinions of professionals.

One of the interviewees, Ian describes how the appeal of the ‘littles’ fetish is to “step back from the real world of being an adult.” He adds to this, talking about the appealing the nature of “innocence and trust.”

Whilst being linked to paedophilic tendencies, one little argues that as it’s between “consenting adults,” pointing out the hypocritical nature of critics who live in a society that promotes sexual teenage popstars. 

Credit: Huffington Post

As evidenced by the range of videos listed in this article, there is no wrong or right way to have sex. It is a personal experience and you get to decide what happens. As long as you are safe and consensual, have fun with it and try something new!

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Brig Secretary 2019-2020. Studying Politics BA(Hons).

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