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Eradicating the stigma of female desire

Women experience lust. Women want sex. Get over it.

A vast majority of people will look at this headline and do one of two things: turn away while they blush or click on it because the subject intrigues them. Female sexuality is often something that is brushed under the rug – a taboo topic that is best left out of dinner conversation.

A bizarre social phenomenon has occurred in which women are seen as objects of sexual desire, but are then judged immensely for experiencing a sexual appetite themselves. If women are seen to be actively seeking sexual fulfilment then they are seen as nymphomaniacs: dirty, common or simply intimidating.

The stigma of female lust is a discussion that is still very much avoided in this so-called ‘enlightened generation’. No one really cares about what a woman wants in the bedroom. She is there to be used and to gratify the pleasures of another.

Sex should not be another chore or something a woman feels she has to do to keep her partner happy. It should be enjoyable for all parties involved. Something so intimate and frankly invasive to a woman’s body needs to feel good for her too. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Credit: eve.com

Admittedly, things have come along way since the time of chastity belts and dowrys but there is still a lingering hesitance to talk about female sexuality. People need to realise that women are no different from men in terms of sexual desire. In fact, recent studies have shown that in some relationships women are more likely to have a higher libido and sex drive.

The challenge lies within changing the idea of the ‘passive woman’. If women were seen as more than the demure caregiver then the idea of a woman over the age of thirty with a high sex drive would not seem so jarring.

Some may ask why this is still a topic that needs to be discussed. It needs to be talked about so that young women know that it is okay to fulfil their desires. So that women of all ages can still feel sexy without any lingering shame or inhibition.

There is also another factor when it comes to educating people about the intricacies of female desire – sexual pleasure. Education about women’s bodies is seriously lacking in the school curriculum. This has a knock-on effect as young girls sexually mature: barely anyone knows where the clitoris is or what an orgasm is and how they experience one.

Not only is this a tragic notion, it is damaging to young women everywhere. Guilt can often follow a sexual experience for women, young girls especially. The feeling that they have done something shameful, that they should not have enjoyed it as much as they did. These feelings are often kept bottled up because the majority refuses to talk about these things.

But what is indecent about a woman simply enjoying herself and her body? How is it any different from a man? The truth is that sex and pleasure do not take the same shape as those feelings do in men.

Women are sometimes seen as hard to please. This is not necessarily the case. The order of sexual pleasure is switched in women – the gratification often comes later. A man will feel sexual desire then satisfaction without the need to follow up. Women, however, often go through the first orgasm and then their desire is intensified, leading to another build-up of lust and feelings of frustration if the sexual act is not continued. Basically, some men just don’t have the stamina to keep up with women in bed.

The stigma of sexual desire in women is not only incredibly frustrating, it is also damaging to the minds of women everywhere. Sex is a human act and there is nothing to be ashamed of, regardless of what is between your legs. Women experience lust. Women want sex. Get over it.

1 comment on “Eradicating the stigma of female desire

  1. Well Blair, as usual you give me views I had no idea about and make me rethink. Thanks.

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