Ladies and gentlemen, as we all swan out of this decade in a haze of drunken glory, let us not forget what we must leave behind us. The fuckboy infestation or, more so, its impact on us.
That’s right. They who are all over every campus, with varying degrees of personality that just suck us all in. Yes, the power of the modern fuckboy allure is overwhelming. They have lives and interests that might even sync with yours, and that’s where it all begins. Let us also not forget their pillow-talk – both their worst and best feature.
Because, let’s be real, why do they tell you about their lives when they have no intention of letting you into them? It’s an overwhelming, frustrating enigma. Sometimes, people just need someone to listen to – fair enough, but these types of individuals use that as a means to get others to open themselves up to something that’s not even there.
Having said that, if you do fall into that crappy trap, don’t worry about it. Because we’ve got the power of sisterhood and wine on our side, people. Surround yourself with friends – those badass sisters and brothers who won’t let you succumb to anyone’s crap. Also – you feel like crap because of some guy? Listen to Lizzo. She’ll be your best friend through the doubt and blame.
But if you need tough love, find your girls. Because the last thing they will let you do is mourn a relationship that wasn’t even real. What they will do is force you to face the harsh light of reality. When all you saw was a hot guy who was interested in you, they see all his flaws. Because more than anything, your friends have your best interests at heart. And they’re not afraid to show you the truth hidden behind smoke and mirrors.
Hint number one, ladies: if it didn’t exist outside the bedroom or social media, it maybe didn’t exist at all. And that’s fine. Sex and sexting are nothing to be ashamed of, and don’t let one bad experience stop you if the rest made you feel good. Most of all, don’t let the experience leave you with anxiety about what you did or did not do right.
This leads us nicely to hint number two: you didn’t do anything wrong. You simply fell for one of the most elaborate schemes known to mankind: the promise of good sex with a guy with nice hair and a decent personality. There are few people out there who would pass it up. Nor should they.
However, just when you think the relationship is evolving or moving somewhere new, the barrier slams down. And this one may just rival Donald Trump’s dream wall. Except this wall is meticulously designed to eschew commitment.
Most of us have been there – meeting that one person we feel is going to be endgame material. But what if that doesn’t mean they should be? What about that other, healthier option, which would see you always being committed more to yourself than any dreamboat guy you’re seeing?
It doesn’t have to be a self-preservation thing if you don’t want it to be – it could be a healthy distance thing, a self-care thing, an independence thing – you name it. Arguably the most important aspects of any healthy relationship remain individual autonomy and personal comfort and empowerment.
But honestly, crappy liaisons may happen to you no matter how sharp you are. And that’s okay. We’ve all been there, or we might all go there. The shame of it all is cancelled – you are allowed to enjoy it.
There should be no more pressure to perform for anyone, just in hopes of something someone else isn’t ready to commit to. And that’s alright as well. Not everyone is ready for the long stride with another person. Just don’t lie about it, and it’s all good.
University is the time we have for being our most revolutionary selves, not pining over something we’re not even sure we wanted to begin with. Not many of us know definitively what it is we want, and that’s natural. You’re allowed to be indecisive, you’re allowed to be conflicted about your feelings. It’s the most natural thing in the world.
What is not natural, beneficial or healthy, however, is making some guy the centre of your universe just because he streamed the same series as you.
Now, let’s cumulatively take our heads out of the past. Find the people who make you feel truly your best. Create a playlist unlike any other (include Lizzo ‘Truth Hurts’ and ‘Soulmate’ for impact), and go be the man your mother always wanted you to marry.
Because being single is certainly not the worst thing in the world; pining away in your room Elle Woods-style through a flood of tears because of some douchebag is.
Featured image credit: Galoremagazine.com