The art of third-wheeling

4 mins read

Oxford dictionary defines ‘third-wheeling’ as a noun meaning ‘an unwanted third party accompanying two people on a date’.

This would typically imply that your friend and their partner want you to somewhere else as fast as possible. There have been plenty of times when my friend and her now-boyfriend had probably wanted me to leave them in peace. I am like their annoying toddler child that never leaves them alone.

However, in one such scenario, I tried, and the pair refused to let me go home.

It was a typical Saturday night back when we could still go to pubs and clubs, and I had a few too many spoons’ pitchers (as well as copious amounts of sambuca and tequila rose).

There were a fair few of us, but my friend had been speaking to this boy for a while now, and things were getting saucy. The original plan was to get a taxi back to my friend’s and stay at hers, but we were all exhausted, and he only lived about 10 minutes away whereas we were at least 20 minutes away.

I had seen my friend and the boy getting along and had the bright idea of walking home. She could go back to his and spend some time with him, and I could get some sleep.

However, I must mention this was after the club had shut at four o’clock in the morning. And I had to walk along a busy main road. In the dark. With no footpath. Granted not one of my better ideas but still, it’s the thought that counts.

I had gotten about halfway down the high street before they both caught up with me. Like a comedy show, they grabbed an arm and physically shoved me into a taxi in a scene. All against my will, I would like to add, but it did allow me to complain very loudly to the taxi driver that my friends wouldn’t let me drunk walk twelve and a half miles home by myself and that because of this, he was now my best friend.

We eventually made it to his place, where once arriving at his door, I decided that the floor was, in fact, my best friend, and to show my love and affection, I tripped over my own feet and kissed the ground with my face. My friend and her now-boyfriend had obviously had enough at this point and left me to sleep on the floor, while they slept on the bed nearby…

I don’t remember much after that and everything in this story was all told back to me after the fact so who knows? Apparently I even hit my head on his wardrobe, and I did wake up with a headache, but who know if that was a concussion or just a plain old hangover.

My point is, even if my friend and her now-boyfriend wanted to be by themselves, they also wanted to make sure I was okay.

Third-wheeling isn’t this inherently awful situation, and can actually lead to a lot of laughs. I am also happy to say that I am friends with the boyfriend, and we can all look back on these scenarios and bond over it. Just maybe next time, I’ll book my own taxi home or stay at a nearby hotel…

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3rd year English and Journalism student and secretary of Brig Newspaper

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