So it’s Christmas Eve, you’re all nice and cosy, wrapped in a blanket by an open fire. The Christmas tree is fully decorated with baubles and tinsel in the corner of your middle-class living room. The Christmas lights are on in the neighbourhood wrapped around the houses, hedges and trees. You’re watching some gooey Christmas special on the TV and, hey would you look at that, it’s even starting to snow outside.
Aww, ain’t that nice… but wait, there’s something you’ve forgotten. Your stomach rumbles in fear and anguish… you’ve forgotten to fill up on snacks for the night, for tomorrow, for Boxing Day. You have been a fool. You’re gonna have to quickly run to the shop, and you’ll get the one item that is universally beloved by all. Ol’ reliable; Twiglets.
Twiglets are an undeniable staple of the British holiday experience. I would even say that they outrank the Turkey in order of requirement, only beaten out by the traditional cauliflower. Obviously, we all have the choice between Mini-Cheddars, KP Peanuts and Twiglets, but let’s all be honest here, anyone who picks Mini-Cheddars over Twiglets probably still likes James Corden. Not to say Mini-Cheddars are bad perse, it’s just Twiglets are undefeatable. However, if you pick KP Peanuts over Twiglets, then you’re not my kind of person. Go away.
Back to Twiglets. Twiglets are in many ways the foundation of a good Christmas. Without them there would surely be clouds over the UK on Christmas Day, thick clouds. I might even say that Father Christmas would not be able deliver presents to the good children due to this unforeseen cloud layer. Twiglets are the snack that blesses us with fond memories and happy futures. Twiglets are the crunchy, yeasty and angelic brown beauties of Boxing Day, with the many crunches of Twiglets preventing our anti-vax aunts and racist uncles ramblings dominating the parlour room conversation.
The brown Twiglet flavouring holds itself on our fingers long after we have finished eating them. This generous after effect allows for a convenient excuse to go to the bathroom for at least 10 minutes. A glorious 10-minute escape from our families and friends. 10 minutes just for ourselves in an otherwise hectic and emotional day.
Twiglets allow for our families to come together and share something we all love instead on dwelling on petty politics or fighting over had the most pigs in blankets this year, even though we all know it’s that weird younger cousin who just sits there on his greasy phone all day and stuffs his face with anything that goes near his lair at the end of the dining table. Honestly, he just doesn’t stop eating them. I mean why doesn’t his parents do anything? Are they blind? I know he’s only 13 but he’s literally eaten about 15 of them, leave some of them for the rest of us!
Twiglets also make for great stocking stuffers and Secret Santa gifts. I know for a fact if I were to receive £20 worth of Twiglets I would be very grateful. In fact, I fully intent to get my Secret Santa some Twiglets, and, of course, some Lynx Africa but that’s a whole other article.
In short, when you find yourself rushing to Tesco late on Christmas Eve, consider the importance of Twiglets on the holiday season and be sure to make the right choice in Christmas time snacks. I can promise you won’t be disappointed. Have a Happy Holidays!
Featured image credit: The British Touch