It has been noted by many that the community is on the decline, and the village has disappeared. It has not; you stayed inside and stopped being a villager.
Community takes work. Neither Rome nor a supportive network was built in a day. You need to change your thinking and be comfortable in the uncomfortable to have strong community ties.
There is No Map
Your social circle is your village. Family members, acquaintances, fellow members of societies, sports teams, classmates, and colleagues are in your village. If they are making a positive impact on your life, they are in your village. Make sure you are in theirs.
It is easiest to say this when you have close friends, already your inner circle are your closest neighbours in this village.
But if you are lacking that, look around. Join a new club, volunteer for something you care about, go outside, and engage in the world. It is scary, but like I said before, get comfortable being uncomfortable. If you are kind and open to new people, things, and experiences, there is a village. Making friends as an adult is hard, but you can do it, I promise
If you are just starting to become friends with someone, it can be hard, but take the steps to know them better. I recommend having some form of activity and food to get things moving. Paint and sips, walks, games, anything goes and starts conversations. Food loosens people up; it’s why most cultures have a tradition of ‘breaking bread’ in some form or another.
How to be a Great Villiager
You prioritise the us.
Plan gatherings, be friendly, support each other, and make sure everyone knows that they are appreciated.
It all boils down to simply showing up. Be there, and be happy to be there. You are going to have to inconvenience yourself sometimes, but the world won’t end, and if it’s about to people who care about you will understand and likely not even ask.
Plan things, it’s not that hard, and it’s not much work if shared. Organise hangouts, activities, parties, whatever. If only one person does it, the stone will wear down faster if you are not responding to messages, keeping up to date with the plan, or showing up on time. Don’t let every planned thing be someone else’s responsibility, and don’t have everything you plan be centred on yourself or your interests.
Being friendly extends beyond your friends and standard niceties. Be interested in others, willing to help where you can, and universally kind. Obviously, the world is not a safe place, but there is a difference between being prepared for the worst and assuming it.
Spread positivity where it is truthful or needed, that is not telling you to be cheery in every scenario, but be ready to uplift where possible. Kindness is not always cheery, and is not always the nicest option, but it is for the better. Do the hard thing even if it is not nice.
The final point I want to make about friendliness is this: you are in the village with the villagers, not watching, participating, laughing with, not at. Your village is not putting on a show; they are living their lives. You can’t say you’re a member of the circus if you don’t also have your clown paint on.
Appreciate the people in your life. We have holidays for appreciation if telling someone you care or buying them a coffee is hard for you. I say I like birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Valentine’s/Galentine’s day for this very reason, but communicate your feelings and again show up for them. Get vulnerable, be uncomfortable for a second and tell people who you love that you love them. If you want to have support, you also have to provide it.
All in All
Get your ass to the village, be ok with the uncomfortable and inconvenient, don’t expect community bonds to be given out freely, but hand them out regardless. They can take our third spaces, but they can’t take out our mutual love.
The more people in your village, the wider the knowledge base and ways of thinking. You will learn things from your village, and your village will be enriched by you
It can be hard and scary, but community is so worth it. If you are in the village, then you will have a village to celebrate and support you when you need it, deserve it, or have earned it. We were not built to be alone, so be kind, be supportive, be there, and you will find your people.
Featured Image Credit: Tom Fisk through Pexels