Summary
In a new column, Life Of An International Student, Ioanna explores the topic of long-distance relationships, the struggles of love in different time zones, and how to keep a long-distance relationship ticking.
Turns out restarting your life – or in this case studying abroad – means recreating everything — relationships, hobbies, routines, and boundaries. Being an international student often means building a brand-new life while also trying to maintain the one you left behind.
Welcome to the life of an International Student.
You start packing your suitcase and realise people don’t fit between the jeans and the shirts. Neither does your childhood bed or your mother’s cooking. Every day, you miss something new — and experience something new. You’re becoming a whole new person while staying the same for the people waiting for you back home.
Before you know it, you’re living two lives. Each one pulls at you like a rope, stretching you between two worlds until the breakdowns come — and with them, the chaos and the loss.
If you’ve read my previous article, you’ll know I had fifteen breakdowns during my first month abroad — and I’m still counting. Whether it was missing my father’s birthday or burning the “easy” chocolate cake my mother promised I couldn’t mess up, I somehow always end up back in bed, hugging myself and crying.
I’ve realised I’m not special in that sense. I keep meeting students who miss the same things, have the same doubts, and ask the same questions. We are each caught between countries and languages. So, we decided here at Brig to create a space to share those meltdowns — a series dedicated to all of us who are starting over. (Also, I get to journal every little hardship in my life.)
You’re always free to send the things that you’ve found the hardest meanwhile relocating yourself, and we can all sob together.
For me, one of the hardest adjustments has been turning my relationship into a long-distance one. I know there are so many international students I’ve met who tried really hard to squeeze their partners inside their suitcases, hoping airport security wouldn’t notice. Newsflash, everyone notices, and you end up crying in front of the gate while struggling to let go.
You move away and suddenly the closest you can get to them is watching movies on Discord. Fighting is worse when you can’t hug them. Time on FaceTime is never enough. Timezones are a sworn enemy and everyday is a little harder to be ok and civil.
How much is too much? Insecurities blossom like roses in the spring, only it’s winter and they are icy cold when you’re on your own. Regret replaces comfort.
“Should I be happy without him, should I be crazy in love missing him all the time?” Asks my flatmate while we are cooking dinner in our kitchen, blaming herself for not being… hurt enough? Or daring to build a life without him. I know that feeling. It stinks, because it’s love, regret, loss, and excitement all tied into one knot that sits on your chest and keeps you awake at night. Combine that with the stress of moving abroad and the uncertainty of everything, and you might as well sign up for a mental hospital.
When I first moved here, my boyfriend and I had the worst month imaginable — fighting, missing each other, miscommunicating. It felt like a dark tunnel with no light at the end. But I eventually realised, he was also the one thing keeping me grounded through all the changes.
“My first feelings were more about being scared to be in a place I’ve never been before alone away from everyone I know, not just my boyfriend, but he actually made the transition easier. When I felt really alone, he would be on FaceTime, and we’d watch a movie or just talk, and he was there even if he couldn’t physically be there, if that makes sense.” Says a student and a friend of mine, and I feel lucky to have a connection like that — one that stretches across the distance instead of snapping in two. There’s something beautiful about knowing you love someone enough to make it through the hardest days. About choosing them, consciously, even when they’re far away.
So how do we make it work? How do we fix it? How do we balance this life with their needs and the life that we are supposed to built together if we living separately?
- Time Management
“Sometimes I feel like I’ve wasted my whole day waiting for a planned call he sleeps through — but we’re eight hours apart! I feel those eight hours more than I feel the 4,860 miles between us,”
Managing time differences is harder than managing distance. The only way through is planning. Spontaneity dies a little — but intention takes its place.
You’ll have to sacrifice mornings or nights. You’ll fall asleep during calls, or they will. But you keep showing up. You choose to be there, every single time.
My friend Ika , a veteran of long-distance relationships, told me routines are key.
Similarly me and my partner have Saturdays as our certain date-night. It’s not about scheduling love like a doctor’s appointment — it’s about reassurance. No matter what happens, we know we’ll be together on Saturdays.
We try to make each Saturday different:
- Movie nights
- Binge-watching Peaky Blinders or Stranger Things
- Game nights with It Takes Two, Little Nightmares 2, Pummel Party, or Among Us
- “Study” calls, where he plays guitar and I write — side by side, in silence, together. We both felt better realizing we don’t have to talk all the time when we are on the call, sometimes you run out of things to say and you just need the presence.
- Be Fair To Them and To Yourself
Regret is an easy thing.
“I feel bad going out when he finally has time to talk,” says Naomi, “but we promised not to say no to living our lives just to sit in our rooms and talk on the phone.”
Long distance is not a bedroom-shaped prison with your laptop as the only window to the world. If you’re studying abroad, you must experience it. Otherwise, resentment builds.
You’re both going to go out. You’re both going to have fun without each other. Talking less one day doesn’t mean you love each other less. You’d never say no to a girls’ night out or a football match if you were in the same city — so why would you now?
Instead you can share these new experiences with each other on late night calls or on your set date nights. It can be an exciting thing, sharing stories and memories until you can be together again.
As one friend put it:
“…long distance has given me the opportunity to be my own person. If we went to the same uni I’d probably spend all my time with him and be nothing more than his girlfriend, And that sucks! We have forever together, there’s no need to rush it. Think of the upsides of long distance not only the downsides. It’s also allowed me to be much more patient, and not as co dependent.”
- Future Trips
Having something to look forward to makes everything easier. The unknown is terrifying — but a countdown makes it bearable. When you know when you’ll see each other again, you can focus on living fully in the meantime.
Starting fresh means things have to transform — or end. Both are hard, but the first takes more courage. If you’ve chosen to fight for your relationship, be proud. You’re building connection through communication, not just proximity.
Not every long-distance relationship survives — but when two people truly want to be together, they’ll find a way.
Let us know if you are struggling with international student battles as well or if you have similar experiences. We can’t wait to build this series together!
