Let’s face it, dating is hard and getting more expensive by the day, especially for students. Whether you’re meeting people in classes, nights out or Hinge, you’re bound to hit a few bumps on the road. So let me offer some personally learned lessons, tips and tricks to ensure a safe dating life that doesn’t drain your pockets.
Staying Safe
Here comes the motherly side of me. Though no one wants to hear the safety spiel, it’s important to let students know how to date safely, what options they have and what to do during a bad date. It’s especially good to be aware of what is available if you’re a visiting student.
AskForAngela. Who’s Angela? Well, Angela is the guardian angel for people who are not feeling safe in bars, restaurants, nightclubs and really anywhere with alcohol. If you’re in a bad spot with your date, or feeling unsafe, excuse yourself to the bathroom and ask a member of staff for Angela.
You can find additional information about the AskForAngela scheme here: https://askforangela.co.uk/about/
Personal information is personal for a reason. Before you know someone, don’t give out too many details such as where you’re living, studying and so forth. All they need is your first name and the dating app to contact you. Too much information gives people easy access to finding you online. It’s also a red flag if someone pressures for more details when you are not ready to give it, leading to my next point.
Red Flags. If someone pressures you to drink, meet them somewhere private or get into their car, it’s better to leave the situation. Be wary of profiles with little information, vague answers and a reluctance to, again, meet in public or video call.
Boundaries are one of the most important aspects of dating that often get overlooked. Set your boundaries, and if they question, guilt or push them, walk away. Boundaries are there to show you that this person can be trusted, and how they will respect you long term. They are also there to keep you safe.
If you experience something upsetting, harmful or dangerous on your date there are many University Contacts who can help you: https://www.stir.ac.uk/student-life/support-wellbeing/student-support-services/sexual-violence/ https://www.stir.ac.uk/student-life/support-wellbeing/student-support-services/bullying-and-harassment/ https://www.stir.ac.uk/student-life/support-wellbeing/student-support-services/your-mental-health-and-wellbeing/
Quirky Dates Save the Day!
Dating cliches woo us all – candlelit dinners, cinema and coffee shop dates are our go-tos when dating, and for good reason. It’s not always possible for students to splash out, so what do we do? Quirky dates are the way to have a fun, romantic day with your special someone without having the post-date regret of an empty bank account.
Do a puzzle. Yes, I am serious. Get a puzzle, bring some homemade snacks, and working together to make a beautiful image come to life.
It’s an activity guaranteed a couple of hours of your time, while offering a task to focus on while getting to know someone new. If you don’t have a puzzle, charity shops tend to have many for amazing prices, sometimes under £2! You can also switch out for boardgames if you or your date are not the puzzle type.
Cinema at home is one of my favourites. Mood lighting, a fort, and handmade cinema tickets is one of the best cheap dates you can do! Gather any snacks you both have, wear pjs and get comfy. The perfect date for cuddling.
Society Meetings are an incredible way to do something fun with someone you’ve just met. You’ll be in a public setting with access to fun activities while having society back up if your date flops.
Paint together. If you’re nearly as chronically online as me, you’ll have seen this becoming a bit of a trend in the dating sphere, and for good reason! You can do it anywhere – a cheap cafe, a park, a library. It can be a romantic exchange where you paint portraits of one another or switch every minute to form two unique paintings. It’s fun, messy and sure to get a few laughs.
Sightsee. One of my favourites personally. If you’re under 22 you can get a bus to really anywhere with your youngScots. There’s plenty to see, and with the chilly weather right now, it’s a good excuse to hold hands. There are historic sights and castles at every corner, a must-see for any student, from Scotland or not.
Go Stargazing. I can’t stress enough how magical a night under the stars with blankets and hot drinks can be. Now this one is for couples, I don’t suggest meeting someone you don’t know to go stargazing. Take your car somewhere quiet, cuddle up for warmth and have deep conversations about life.
Study dates can be a could call for students who are too busy to balance dating and their workload. It offers opportunities to learn about each other’s studies, futures, what you’re both interested in, and to quiz each other. Besides, what’s more romantic than books? So, get cozy, grab a warm drink and have casual conversation while getting work done.
Handmade gifts! I can’t tell you how many poems and letters I’ve written my partner. There is something so special about handmade gifts because the time and care that goes into them is the biggest gift of all. Jewellery is nice, but pop-up love notes, handmade bouquets or secret letters in their bag is so much sweeter. Plus, such a great way to save!
Really with some romantic touches and care anything and anywhere can become a date. Getting wined and dined is lovely but maybe save that for special occasions. Besides more casual, fun, comfy dating means your date/partner being more wowed by the big gestures, and not fatigued by dinner, brunches, coffee and roses.
Learned Lessons
I am a self-diagnosed hopeless romantic who wanted more than anything to be in love. The issue is I had this idea that love cures all and in reality, it doesn’t. Love can heal, can soothe and comfort. But if you seek it only to restore a part of yourself, you’re not in it for the right reasons.
Only when I started working on myself and rerouting my mentality did I meet the love of my life, who I now live and share a cat-daughter with.
Basically, whether you want to date or not, the most important thing to ask yourself before putting yourself out there is are you ready to date?
Are you ready to commit? Are you in it for hookups and fun? Will you be a good partner? Are you mentally able to think about the we instead of the me? And do you have enough time?
You have to consider these things, not only for yourself but for whoever you are meeting to ensure you can set clear what it is you’re looking for and whether you’re both compatible.
Featured image credit: Pexels RDNE Stock Project
