Content Warning: This article contains talks of topics such as Homophobia and physical Assault that readers may find upsetting.
My mum was the first to know I was gay. She said that when I went on stage at my nursery graduation, I went up on stage, very proudly accepted my medal before putting my hand on my hip and striking a pose.
Since then, I never really came out to anyone. I never had to, people just assumed my sexuality based on my mannerisms and the pitch of my voice.
It was never really a problem for me. My mum and dad were as supportive as I could have hoped for. My dad even did a 96 mile walk raising about £1,800 for the TIE campaign which hopes to teach LGBTQIA+ issues in Scottish education. Then came High School.
It started with small, probing questions like, “Do you like other boys” or straight to the point “Are you gay”, by this point I decided not to lie anymore and was open about my sexuality, although now I know it was never for everyone to have the right to know.
Then the homophobia started. The boys changing rooms filled with comments like “Dawson’s looking at you” or “Don’t try and kiss me!”, passing comments, threats and slurs such as “I’ll batter you faggot.” switching between that, poof, and gay-boy.
My school did nothing to prevent this or hold other people accountable for their actions. It got physical a handful of times, making me scared to even leave my bedroom for fear that I’d be bullied again and again every day at school.
I always got told “When you are older, it’ll be so much better.” What a lie.
Being an out gay adult
Since turning 18, just about every single time I have gone out for a night out, I’ve faced death threats, more homophobic slurs (even when I’m just trying to use the toilet, or have a drink in a casual bar) and minor physical assaults in the form of pushing, kicking, punching.
It’s hard for people around me to understand. Every single time I go out, it’s the only thing on the front of my mind. It ruins my social life, it’s bad for my mental health and the stress is terrible for my physical health. All over something I did not choose to be nor can help. But I try to still go out as much as I want and not let them win.
Since getting to university, I have had around the same experiences. Definitely not as bad as before, but I have still had homophobic slurs, threats, and bumps and bangs in the oh-so-lovely Fubar.
It’s a universal experience among the LGBTQIA+ community. We half expect it every single time we are in public to experience some form of intolerance towards us. When I am with my partner or friends, it’s usually smirks and laughs, stares and frowns, whispers and passing comments in the street.
Just recently my partner and I experienced comments in broad daylight in a park in Edinburgh, it affected him so much but I noticed how little it affects me now, but how wrong the reasons are for why I don’t get bothered are.
I hope it does get better and that it’s not just something people say to cheer you up. I’ve experienced really positive and heartfelt moments. Like people telling my partner and me how cute of a couple we are, having a strong community of LGBTQIA+ friends, and having people to speak to about it and to make me feel better.
I would love Scotland to become more accepting. I want to be able to go to a nightclub other than POLO and still have a good safe night out free of slurs. And to be able to walk down the street with my partner and not get stares just for simply holding hands, for simply being who I am.
If you are struggling with your sexuality, or are facing homophobia and prejudice, Switchboard offers support on their website and via email, online chat and a 24/7 phone line for a safe talking space.
Switchboard Helpline website: https://switchboard.lgbt/
Switchboard Helpline Phone Number: 0800 0119 100
feature image credit: Unsplash.com
