Mental health. They’re a scary pair of words when they’re together, aren’t they? Although I suppose sometimes our brains can be scary places, I learnt that the hard way.
I had always assumed myself to be a pretty mentally sound person, my parents were always good with emotions and dealing with them, and I grew up knowing how to talk about how I felt no matter what – I thank them for that every day. I do sometimes think of it as a bad thing, there are some people who I struggle to talk to or share my feelings with, just because we think so differently – I think I was really lucky to grow up around two of the bravest people I know, who went through hell and back to reach a point where I could grow up happy and emotionally in-touch.
Although I do also think that there isn’t anyone on the planet who has been ‘mentally sound’ their entire life, I just don’t think it’s possible. Shit happens to everyone; friends and family die, pets die, people lose their jobs, go through financial struggles, sometimes even just have ridiculous hormonal imbalances that make them feel like the worst person on the planet combined with the looming sense of dread that the world is going to end, and they wouldn’t even mind if it did.
That dread lingers in everyday life, it’s there when they wake up, when they go to sleep and every moment in between. Sometimes the emotional burn out is so intense it feels like every task is just so much effort; getting out of bed, brushing your teeth, showering, eating, breathing. It really does become more exhausting than climbing a mountain would be.
On the other hand though, I like to believe that there are a far higher number of happy and bright things in the world, that at least try their best to shine brighter than that looming sense of dread; people get their dream jobs, fall in love, find a hobby they just fall into, get promotions, degrees, masters and doctorates, and are just happy being themselves, despite that irrational voice in their head saying: “What’s even the point?”
I won’t go through the whole spiel of things that people and therapists (I assume) tell you to do to feel better; walking, speaking to friends, starting a new hobby, journaling – because you’ll have heard it all before a million times, and despite them being effective, they never change. I’ve done all of them, I’m a mountaineer for heaven’s sake, I know how to walk, and for those six to ten hours on the hill or at the crag or four hours at the gym I feel great, but as much as I wish I could – I can’t walk forever.
There are ways out, and there is light at the end of the tunnel, and while that looming dread can feel heavier than having Mount Everest itself on your shoulders, there is always a way out to the other side – you just have to be willing to get to it, and to just keep moving.
This article formed part of BRAW Magazine Issue 5: Mind, Mood, Mentality. You can read more of Issue 5 here.
Featured Image Credit: Amelia Fryer/BRAW Magazine Issue 5
