Returning to university in my thirties was a complicated decision. It has been intellectually demanding as well as emotionally and socially challenging. Studying in Stirling required significant sacrifices from both myself and my partner.
Going to university as an adult is very different to the school leaver experience. At eighteen you’re full of life and energy and most of all, time. At 35, these things are more limited and precious. Learning doesn’t come as easily and adapting to new concepts requires a greater effort.
People often say that university is where you make your lifelong friends, and that was true for me the first time around. In my three years at Stirling I’ve seen friendships flourish, particularly in societies. But my experience has been very different.
I didn’t have the chance to bond with flatmates in shared accommodation, something which helps students settle in. That kind of forced proximity builds connections, even if they don’t last forever.
Then there’s the age gap. I’m around 15 years older than most of my peers. While nearly all are smart, kind, and impressive, we’re simply at very different stages of life. Many are just starting to explore who they are, and while I remember that time fondly, it’s not really part of my present. I often feel like a spectator to student life rather than a participant.
Any situations involving alcohol highlight the disconnect. Drinking around people so much younger feels seedy and uncomfortable, and I have to suppress the urge to ‘look after’ people who neither want nor need it, simply because I feel obliged to.
I have a lot of life experience but it’s rarely helpful to share, and I find myself making the conscious choice not to say, “I’ve already made that mistake, here’s how to avoid it.” I try and give others the space I know I needed to learn and grow. This has allowed me to learn a lot from my younger peers. It’s easy to just roll your eyes and mutter “teenagers” after you reach a certain age, but that is lazy and unfair.
Most students are deeply immersed in university life to an extent that I can’t. Mature students juggle other responsibilities and can’t integrate to the same degree. While I have met some incredible people whom I will long admire at Stirling, it has been a relatively lonely experience. Suggestions to meet for coffee or study sessions are one-sided and noncommittal. It’s not something I feel is a huge issue, but it is one I wish I’d been aware of before embarking on my journey here.
If there are any mature students in your class or society, make an effort to be friendly with them. A connection might be just the thing that is missing from their experience.
This article featured in the first-ever printed edition of BRAW Magazine, Close Encounters. You can read more of our Close Encounters articles here.
Featured Image by Alice Pollard
Student journalist & freelance writer. Check out Quick Play, where I review video games that are 10 hours or less.
