When university stopped for the summer holidays, I got the great idea to do everything I never had the time to do while in university.
I shouldn’t have been so shocked to have barely done any of the stuff I planned to do.
I didn’t find a job – put zero effort into that endeavour really. I didn’t write a lot of Brig articles over the summer. And I absolutely didn’t get involved with the local newspaper to the new town my family moved to.
It was as soon as I had no routine, no pressure like assignment deadlines to adhere to, and when I was far away from all my university friends that I completely “collapsed.”
As someone with autism, this was something I feared would happen – another summer of wanting to do so many things and not getting around to doing anything because I could barely leave my bed and having no energy for day-to-day activities.
Burnout is a pain to deal with and the shame that comes with is even worse. It is like I have a voice in my head shouting at me for being “lazy” the whole summer while I struggle to find the energy to do anything, leading to countless procrastinating:
“I could do this tomorrow”, “There is still time to do this later”, and “Just one more day of resting” became common things I thought or said to myself while I spent another day in bed doing close to nothing.
A part of myself can’t seem to shake the shame of this perceived laziness I give myself – despite the fact it is the summer holidays and relaxing is something I am allowed to do.
It is not something unique to experience as someone with autism, especially someone that drags themselves thin during university time and stacking my schedule so full that it shouldn’t be a shock that at the end of the semester I am drained to the point of burnout.
This summer was spent convincing myself there was no shame in taking a time to pause, to breathe, and to take a step back from everything.
Now that I have taken time to relax it would be easier to transition into the next university year, instead of going from one busy schedule to another busy schedule with no break.
This is especially important to be well rested for the year I am going into – 3rd year – since it is the year that marks start to count towards my degree (a scary concept to have to deal with).
I hope that every other student that is coming back for another year is well rested and ready for another year – plus that 1st years are ready for the beginning of their university career!
Feature Image Credit: Tara Winstead via Pexels
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2nd year - History and Journalism student
