Every year, Mental Illness Awareness week is marked by a variety of events aimed at increasing public understanding of mental illness and removing its stigma. Still, for students like me, it is more than simply a week; it is an ongoing struggle every day.
Since I was a kid, I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression. High school only made things worse. I lost the motivation to do anything. Yet, I didn’t have a choice but to go on with my life like nothing was wrong. I couldn’t afford to let the people in my life down.
I always thought that if I made it to university, my life would magically change. That I would finally be better and everything would fall into place. This expectation came from everyone telling me that university would be the best years of my life. I hoped they were right.
The reality was different. There are still many days that feel heavy, when getting out of bed and going to class feels like the hardest task in the world. Despite my hopes, the depression didn’t suddenly go away.
Don’t get me wrong. There were many exciting things that happened to me at university. I’ve met new people, joined societies and learned new subjects. But even with all the great things, it’s still difficult to fully enjoy them when you’re constantly struggling.
Most days, I go to my classes and try to keep up with my assignments. Yet, no one sees how hard it is to maintain a normal life when you constantly feel like you are drowning in your own thoughts. I think that the worst part is that these struggles are invisible. We never know what someone is going through or how badly they’re really doing.
It can feel so isolating and lonely. You don’t want to bother people with your problems and bring the mood down. It seems like everyone is having a good time and has it all figured out. Right?
The thing that I’ve learned is that everyone is struggling with something. No one is perfect, and we all hide things that are hurting us the most. That said, talking to people does help, even when you think that they won’t understand. We get so deep in our own thoughts that we don’t realize how many people around us are going through similar things. So if you need to talk, reach out to someone. I promise there are people who understand and want to help you.
Suffering from mental illness did take away a lot from my life. I constantly think about the opportunities that I have missed, all the friends that I have lost and all the time that I have wasted where I could have done so much more. But life goes on. The only thing that we can do is focus on the present and try to be more kind to ourselves. It’s not easy but you can take as much time as you need to try, and try, and one day it will be different. At least, I believe it will.
I know it’s hard to hear any advice when you are in a really dark place. All those cliché things like “go for a walk” or “start journaling” don’t help much and you have probably heard it a million times by now.
Instead, I will only tell you that I know how hard it is to keep going every day, not knowing if things will ever change. But even so, I hope that no matter how hard it gets, you don’t give up fighting whatever battles you are facing right now.
Featured Image Credit: Antanina Papouskaya
First year Journalism student
