I think that most advice given can be argued as repetitive and cliché. I also think that the concept of ‘finding who you are’ and ‘it’s okay to not know what you want to do in life’ is way too overlooked. People slap a nice over-used piece of advice onto someone’s major life problem and call it ‘help’; problem solved, nothing else to see here. But for the person they said that to, they have to live with the uncertainty and the self-doubt every single day.
I don’t think people who have everything all planned out realise just how terrifying it is to have absolutely no idea what you want to do after university – it literally feels like a deadline on reality. All up until this point, there has been structure. Nursery, primary school, secondary school, university (if your life has gone the same way as mine), even if it hasn’t or you moved house to a different country like I did, you have structure as a child, because the education system itself is a structure.
After university, there is nothing. Not if you don’t have a plan, other than a very long and toxic relationship with Indeed. Searching for a job you don’t know if you want? Applying for internships you don’t know if you’re interested in? Moving home to be driven insane by the town that has moved on without you? The fear of staying still while everyone else moves on and does amazing things is crippling (queue one of my favourite Noah Kahan songs – I was once told by someone that they can see why I listen to him, and that he’s very fitting of an artist for me to like, because I’m ‘angsty’).
Why ‘should’ we be a certain way?
All throughout secondary school, I was a great student. Someone who would be up for any and every volunteer role, someone who ran assemblies, someone who got amazing grades (in humanities, not science or maths, I hate maths), someone who people would say that they will do great and amazing things in life – and that, that last one is where the unbearable pressure starts that feels like a mammoth sitting on your chest.
Academic pressure will always be my biggest stressor. The feeling that you should be smart, or get good grades, or be a certain way can be so dehumanising. To put your degree or your studies first is to sacrifice everything else along the way. If we were to focus on university and nothing else in our lives then things start to suffer; friendships, parental relationships, sports, hobbies, relationships, and most importantly, your own mental health.
Yes, university is important. I am not saying let’s all go and abandon our degrees and start galivanting because everything else is more important, but acknowledge that our degrees aren’t everything. Yes they may be helpful, but so is every other aspect I listed above, and above all, you and your wellbeing and the people that you love are far more important than a piece of paper that says “I nearly died getting this because I felt like I had to”.
Featured image credit: Amelia Fryer
