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Take Me Out: Love Languages and Relationships

8 mins read

Let us explore the five love languages and examples of each, and at the end, a link will be provided to find your own love language.

Love languages are acquired through your relationship with your primary caregiver in childhood and are reinforced through the time of development. Your love language refers to how you like to receive love and, generally, how you like to show love.

It is important to understand your love language, so you can clearly understand how you want love to be shown. This can prevent unnecessary disappointments in your partner during your relationship.

It is important to note that your result from the love languages test will show how you want love to be shown towards you. This means that the result you get is how your partner should show their love for you so you can feel appreciated.

However, this means that your partner will need to also take the test to find out how they prefer love to be shown towards them. Their result should reflect how you should show your love for them.

Background on Love Languages

There are five love languages, and these are shown below:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Physical touch
  • Acts of service
  • Receiving Gifts
Image Credit: Samantha McBride on Canva

The five love languages were proposed in 1992 by Gary Chapman.

He worked as a relationship counsellor and found many of his patients were not feeling loved even when their partners were doing all they could to show love.

He found that many things were expected of their partners in order to show love, and this is where he found the five key consistent ways of showing love (as shown above).

Chapman noted that these different ways to show and receive love may differ within couples, and the different types of love language have different weightings of importance depending on the person.

Also, he states that people have a primary love language which we want the most deeply.

By finding out both you and your partner’s love language, you can show and receive love efficiently.

Love languages

Let us discuss the five love languages, their meaning, and how you can show them.

Words of Affirmation

If this is your preferred love language, it means you like your love to be expressed by spoken words. This can be as praise, recognition or encouragement.

There are many ways you can show love this way:

  • Kind words and encouragement
  • Love notes and reassurance
  • Appreciative messages
  • Compliments
  • Showing interest when your partner talks
  • Reacting positively to the accomplishments of partner

Conversely, there are many things you must not do:

  • Act uninterested
  • Negative words or tones
  • Criticise
  • Implicit statements

These lists are not exhaustive, but they give an idea of navigating this love language type and showing love to them.

Quality Time

If this is your yours, it means you prefer love to be shown by being given love and undivided attention.

It is important to note that this is not just spending lots of time with your partner but also the quality of the time spent together.

There are many ways to show this kind of love, such as:

  • Eye contact
  • Active listening
  • Staying focused and interested
  • Quality conversations
  • Sharing thoughts
  • Sharing feelings
  • Sharing experiences
  • Sharing desires
  • All of this in a deeply personal, welcoming, interrupted way
  • Be supportive
  • Share activities and hobbies

On the other hand, there are many things that you must not do if this is your partner’s love language, such as:

  • Be on the phone when together
  • Be condescending
  • Interrupt
  • Dismiss partner
  • Cancel plans
  • Don’t make time for them

Physical Touch

If physical touch is yours, then you will feel the most loved while getting physical affection.

This can be shown in many ways that are not just sexual intimacy, such as:

  • Physical closeness
  • Hugs
  • Holding hands
  • Casual touching
  • Being held

In opposition, do not do these things:

  • Ignore partner
  • Distance from partner
  • Not being intimate

Acts of Service

If your love language is acts of service, you will feel most loved when your partner does things to help you out. These are generally thoughtful acts.

Examples of this include:

  • Helping out with chores
  • Picking up groceries
  • Completing tasks that they don’t enjoy
  • Helping them in any way
  • Making a cup of tea
  • Making dinner

These can be in the form of doing more of your normal share of responsibilities to relieve the stress from your partner.

Actually, following through on these acts of service (and not just talking about doing them) will create a deeper intimacy between the pair of you.

However, things not to do can include:

  • Be lazy within the relationship
  • Broken commitments
  • Create more work for partner

Importantly, these can result in your partner not feeling loved or appreciated and make them feel like their feelings do not matter in the relationship.

Receiving Gifts

If gift receiving is your love language, it is likely you feel most loved when your partner gives you meaningful, thoughtful gifts – whether small or large – it is the thought that counts.

So, here are examples for showing love to your partner who has this love type:

  • Picking up something they like from the shop
  • Bring back a small gift from your holidays
  • Anything that reminds you of them
  • Love notes
  • Surprise them

The receiver that likes receiving gifts the most will appreciate not only the gift given but the thought, time and effort put into the gift.

Moreover, things not to do if your partner’s love language is receiving gifts:

  • Give gifts with no thought
  • Give no gifts
  • Make your partner feel like they are asking too much.

Strengthen your relationship

So, lets discuss why you should care about these love languages and what benefits you can reap from actively knowing and acting according to the love languages.

The benefits can be seen below:

  • Promotes empathy
  • Promotes selfless actions
  • Increases emotional intelligence
  • Creates meaningful actions
  • Promotes personal growth
  • Results in stronger relationships

Final notes

Now we have discussed all five love languages and how you can effectively show them. As well as the benefits of learning them and actively showing them based on your partners love language.

It is essential you discover your own love language as well as your partner’s love language. Take the test here to find out!

Featured Image Credit: Samantha McBride on Canva

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Final year Biology & Psychology student with a keen interest in music, food and lifestyle pieces.

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