Agony Auncle: I struggle getting intimate if I haven’t shaved

3 mins read

Question: I feel uncomfortable letting my boyfriend touch me down there if I’m not fully shaved. Any advice on how I can overcome the uncomfortableness?

Answer: Our society has conditioned us to believe that body hair (especially on women) is dirty or gross, so this is a common worry that many people have. First of all, you should think about the reason why you feel uncomfortable when you don’t shave. Is it because of these internalised ideas you have about body standards? Have your current or previous partners made you feel pressured to shave? Or are you concerned your boyfriend will not want to be intimate with you if you don’t shave?

Once you’ve addressed the root of the problem (pun not intended), discuss how you’re feeling with your boyfriend. Explain the discomfort you feel and why, so they can understand and help you overcome these feelings.

person using razor on legs
Image credit: Karolina Grabowska on

If you watch porn, imagine what the people in it look like. Probably completely hairless, right? Purposely try to find some where they’re not. Seeing people with body hair as desirable may help you feel more at ease with yourself.

When you haven’t shaved for a while, take a moment to think about how it makes you feel. Does it still make you feel uncomfortable, even in a non-sexual sense? How does it feel to masturbate if you haven’t shaved? Asking yourself these questions may help you to explore your feelings about your body hair.

Always remember that body hair is natural, it’s there for a reason! According to Healthline, pubic hair reduces friction during sex, keeps us warm and even protects us from pathogens.

Unlearning these body standards can be really tough because they are constantly being shoved in our faces, but with a little bit of self-love, it’s not impossible. If you have half an hour to spare, I would highly recommend watching this video essay about body hair.

I wish you the best of luck!

-Agony Auncle

Disclaimer: I am not a professional, just a student giving out advice for fun. I don’t claim any responsibility for the outcomes of the situations submitted to me.

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Featured Image Credit: Ciara Tait

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Film, media and journalism student. I like writing about my inability to eat gluten.

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