Agony Auncle: My friend is changing from the person I once knew

3 mins read

Question:My friend has graduated. At uni they were all about campaigning as a student. They’ve been doing a job which is very anti what they said in their “student days”.

I can’t help but feel disappointed that someone I thought was a friend at uni has changed so much of their principles after uni. I’m just worried that they’ll change from the person I knew too.

Answer: It can feel very frustrating when people go back on their morals, especially someone you consider a friend. But I also don’t think we should be judging anyone for their job, particularly during a cost of living crisis. A job is a job and people need money in this day and age!

Just because they’ve taken on this role, it doesn’t necessarily mean they fully agree with it. I think you should start a conversation with them. Make it clear that you’re not attacking them for their decisions, but that you just want to talk.

There could be a million reasons why they’ve taken on the job and you won’t know until you ask. As always, I believe important conversations like these should take place face to face, not over text, if possible. There’s always a risk of words being misinterpreted and blown out of proportion.

If your friend really has changed, why? Has their new job changed their thinking, or was it always in the back of their head? If the difference in opinion is too much for you, you’ll need to decide if you want to stay friends.

People do change, that’s a fact of life: we’re all constantly developing and growing, even more so after a big life event like graduation. If it’s a change for the worse however, that’s when the problems start.

I hope you get the answers you want.
-Agony Auncle

Disclaimer: I am not a professional, just a student giving out advice for fun. I don’t claim any responsibility for the outcomes of the situations submitted to me.

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Featured Image Credit: Ciara Tait.

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Film, media and journalism student. I like writing about my inability to eat gluten.

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